4 years Of backhanded compliments disguised with smile Of sideways glances followed by quickly looking away Of broken promises, deceit, and lies Of adults telling me I was doing everything right Of adults telling me I was doing everything wrong Of adults telling me these were the best years of my life Of adults Of stress, sleep deprivation, and eating disorders Of me begging and pleading with the system Of me begging for joy and not finding it Of depression and suicidality Of failed mental health services Of me hoping someone would stop and ask if I needed help Of me rejecting help, I don't deserve it Of locked doors, empty buildings, and walking around unnoticed Of being a ghost to myself and others I won't miss it
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